Dave:  You’ve been slacking with Actual Conversation.  

Ethan:  I’ve just been busy.

Dave:  Let me help you!

Ethan:  No.

Dave:  Come on, I’ll get this one started.

Ethan:  I don’t need—

Dave:  Wow, the weather is so nice today.  You would never know there was a hurricane this weekend…

Ethan:  (long pause)  …Yup.

Dave:  PASTA!

Ethan:  (sigh)

Dave:  Did I make it?

Submitted by Dara

Grandma: (pointing to Dad, brother and two uncles) There are a lot of men at this table, Dara. I’d like to see us even the score somehow.

Dara: Well, I can become a lesbian if you’d like.

Grandma: Haha, I don’t think I’d like that.

Dara: You could become a lesbian…

Grandma: I don’t think I’d like that either.

Dara: Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

Grandma: How do you know I haven’t?

Dara: …

Grandma: …

Ethan:  What do I do about this massive bill?

Dad:  Listen, call the doctor’s office tomorrow, and just calmly explain the situation with your insurance.  They’ve got to understand.

Mom:  (shouting in the background)  They’ve GOT to understand!

Dad:  They charge an exorbitant amount only because they assume you’re fully covered.

Mom:  Crazy prices. Unbelievable!

Dad:  Tell them that you just switched plans, and didn’t realize that the, uh —

Mom:  Deductible!

Dad: — deductible had changed.  You didn’t realize it was so high.

Mom:  You didn’t realize!  So high!

Ethan:  Alright, but can you please tell Flavor Flav over there to stop with the side comments every two seconds?

Mom:  (having just picked up the phone)  Hey, that’s not nice!

Ethan:  You’re like a hip-hop hype man, it’s so distracting.  Dad, I’ll just talk to you later, okay?

Dad:  Alright, bye.

Mom:  Peace out!

Submitted by Dara

Mom: Ooh, here’s an idea: let’s take a pole dancing class for Mother’s Day!

Dara: Um…really?

Mom: Yeah, that’s what I wanna do.

Dara: For Mother’s Day, we’re going to take a pole-dancing class?

Grandma: Who is?

Dara: You, me, and Mom.

Grandma: Pole dancing?!

Dara: Yes.

Grandma: Okay, yes, I know what that is.

Uncle Jon: How do you know what that is?

Grandma: Because I’ve seen it on TV.

Dara: You watch porno?

Grandma: (looks away, eyebrows raised) Whatever it is I watch, I watch…