December 2011
7 posts
An Actual Conversation with a Mentally Ill...
Homeless Man:  (muttering)  Ladies walkin’ ‘round with they asses out…showin’ it all off. Ethan:  (taking headphones off)  Sorry, what? Homeless Man:  Oh, you heard me.  Ladies walkin’ ‘round with they asses out.  Showin’ it ALL off. Ethan:  Okay. Homeless Man:  Think it’s okay because of television, but really, you gotta know you askin’...
Dec 29th
6 notes
4 tags
An Actual Holiday Conversation with Christine's...
Submitted by Christine Aunt Eileen:  Do you know anyone that’s full of shit? Christine:  Like, dishonest?  I guess— Aunt Eileen:  No, literally full of shit.  I found one of Grandpa’s old enemas.  Since he’s gone, I thought someone else could use it. Christine:  Uh… Aunt Virginia:  There’s plenty of dessert if anyone’s still hungry! Uncle Billy:  No...
Dec 26th
1 note
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Grandpa About A TV...
Grandpa:  What do you think of Two Men and a Boy? Ethan  What do I think of…what? Grandpa:  The TV show, Two Men and a Boy. Ethan:  I think you mean Two and a Half Men?  Unless there’s a new NAMBLA network…
Dec 20th
2 notes
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with a Server at a...
Ethan:  Man, this food is spicy!  Server:  You do not like spicy food? Ethan:  I do, but I have…”trouble” with it, if you get what I mean… Server:  Well, this food very good for you.  Vegetarian.  Digest well.  Non-vegetarian meal take 10 hours to digest.   Ethan:  Oh yeah?  And how long will this take, 45 minutes?  (laughs)  Server:  (laughs)  No, not 45 minutes! ...
Dec 16th
14 notes
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with a "Dave and Ethan"...
Booker:  We’ll get you guys in for a sound check as soon as possible — we just have to clear everyone out of the theater.  Hopefully there won’t be any stranglers. Ethan:  What now? Booker:  Hopefully there won’t be any stranglers left in the theater. Ethan:  …Do you mean…”stragglers?” Booker:  What’s the difference? Ethan:  (nervous...
Dec 12th
11 notes
4 tags
An Actual Phone Conversation with Liz's Mom about...
Submitted by Liz Mom: Hey, what are you doing? Liz:  Nothing.  Being bored, doing laundry… Mom:  Well you should come downtown and look at the Budweiser Clydesdales while they’re here.  They’re beautiful!  (pause)  Their penises are huge. Liz:  (shocked silence) Mom:  Well, they are.
Dec 8th
2 notes
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Girlfriend In My...
Girlfriend:  Can I use your computer? Ethan:  Sure. Girlfriend:  (sits down in desk chair — begins typing, then pauses)  Um… Ethan:  What’s up? Girlfriend:  Why does “YouJizz.com” pop up when I start to type “YouTube?” Ethan:  (long pause)  …I’ve never seen that website in my life.
Dec 5th
17 notes