January 2011
15 posts
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Meg's Family in...
Submitted by Meg
Meg: Stop throwing food at me! This is a newjacket!
Cousin: Whoa, how ‘bout you chill the fuck out?
Uncle: Hey, I’d be nice to my cousin if she looked like Meg. This is Arkansas, you know.
Meg & Cousin: (dumbfounded stares)
Uncle: What? Inter-family relationships happen all the time.
3 tags
An Actual Conversation With A Woman Who Looked...
Woman Who Looked Like Carol Kane: (walks past Ethan) Nice beard.
Ethan: Thank you.
WWLLCK: (still walking, turns head) It’s hot, don’t ever shave.
Ethan: Thanks, I won’t.
WWLLCK: (now shouting from afar) I’m serious!
Ethan: …Yup. Got it!
WWLLCK: (now at the other end of the street) YOU BETTER!
Ethan: …ALRIGHT, NOW THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with my Mom About...
Submitted by Katelyn
Katelyn: Mom, guess who this is! (points to a vintage photo of Stephen Colbert)
Mom: Um…I’m not really sure.
Katelyn: It’s…. (scrolls down and points to a recent photo of Stephen Colbert)
Mom: (blank look) …Paul McCartney?
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with a SUNY Maritime...
SUNY Maritime Guy: Yeah, the male-to-female ratio here is like, 10 to 1.
Ethan: Wow, that’s terrible. So what do you guys do for fun around here?
SUNY Maritime Guy: We usually just hang at the Harbor Bar…
Ethan: Okay, thanks. I’ll check it out. (starts to walk away)
SUNY Maritime Guy: Hey, Ethan?
Ethan: Yeah?
SUNY Maritime Guy: Um…if there are any...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Laura's Mom About...
Submitted by Laura
Mom: (burps) …I knew that was coming, but it was bigger than I thought.
Laura: That’s what she said.
(long pause)
Mom: I don’t know whether to be proud or horrified.
3 tags
An Actual Conversation on OkCupid Chat
Submitted by Dara
Rawdawgnit: hey there you
Dara: hi
Rawdawgnit: how arey ou?
Dara: well…i have to tell you, your username is throwing me off
Rawdawgnit: oh.. its just a screen name. i’m spencer
Dara: you do know what that means though, right?
Rawdawgnit: hahah whats your interpretation of it?
Dara: having unprotected sex.
Rawdawgnit: *applause*
(long pause)
Rawdawgnit:...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom About...
Mom: I don’t like those guys. They’re all a bunch of jabonis.
Ethan: “Jabronis.”
Mom: What?
Ethan: The word is “jabroni.”
Mom: No it’s not. It’s “jaboni.”
Ethan: Ma, the word is “jabroni.”
Mom: …It is?
Ethan: Yes.
Mom: Well, sorry. Italian’s not my first language.
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Chelsea's Mom About...
Submitted by Chelsea
Chelsea: Hey mom, look at this picture of my friend Drew with all the Japanese foreign exchange students!
Mom: (looks it over) Which one is Drew?
Chelsea: …Uh, the only white one?
(pause)
Mom: …But, they all look white…
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom In a Movie...
Mom: You know, there’s some…S-E-X in this movie…
Ethan: …What? There is?
Mom: Oh yeah — lesbian sex.
Ethan: Why didn’t you tell me this before I came to see it with you?
Mom: Well, I’m telling you now…
(lights dim)
Ethan: (terrified look)
3 tags
An Actual Conversation Between Sara and Her Busy...
Submitted by Sara
Sara: Josh, is “capitate” a word?
Josh: (silently concentrating)
Sara: Because if “decapitate” means “to remove someone’s head,” does “capitate” mean “to give someone a head”?
Josh: (still silent)
Sara: Josh?
Josh: Shhh…I don’t know. …It’s not a word.
Sara: But if...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Dad About YouTube...
Dad: Ethan, you know comedy — have you ever seen a YouTube video you thought was like, mad-ass funny?
Ethan: (long pause…then laughs) …What!?
Dad: Sorry, what’s the term? ”Mad-ass crazy?”
4 tags
An Actual Conversation at A New Year's Eve Party...
Submitted by Justin
(two girls approach)
Justin: Hey, how y’all doing?
Drunk Girl: Aren’t you going to tell me how gorgeous I look?
Justin: As a matter of fact, I was just about to tell you you look amazing.
Drunk Girl: No you weren’t. (smacks Justin’s glass of champagne out of his hand onto innocent bystander couple)
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom About a Swollen...
Ethan: Mom, I’m worried: one of my glands is swollen. Look how puffy my cheek is.
Mom: Let me see. Stand still…. Yeah, I see. Does it hurt?
Ethan: It’s tender, yeah.
Mom: That’s a good sign it’s probably not cancer.
Ethan: “Probably?” The swelling moved from my neck to my cheek within days. It’s not cancer.
Mom: Right, that’s...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation Between Wyndi and Her Mom...
Submitted by Wyndi
Mom: (out of nowhere) Sloths are creepy.
Wyndi: Why do you say that?
Mom: They have faces!
Wyndi: Yes, that’s because they’re animals.
Mom: But…they have noses!
Me: Yes. Yes, they do have noses…
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with my Grandparents About...
Ethan: Did you plan how many children you were going to have?
Grandma: Oh, yes. We did it the right way: we had two boys and two girls.
Grandpa: That’s right, I know how to DO IT.
Ethan: Oh, God…
Grandpa: (raises eyebrows) Leave it to me!