December 2010
16 posts
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with a Taxi Driver in San...
Ethan: I’m sick of getting ripped off. If the next taxi asks for more than $15 to the hotel, we’re walking away.
Girlfriend: Alright.
Ethan: We can’t seem like dumb tourists. How do you say “How much to the Ritz?” in Spanish?
Girlfriend: “Cuánto cuesta al Ritz.”
Ethan: “¿Cuándo cuesto al Ritz?”
Girlfriend: “Cuánto cuesta al...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with a Friend While...
Submitted by Rich
(song starts playing on the stereo)
Friend: Why does this singer sound like me? …Am I singing?
Rich: Dude, that’s John Lennon.
Friend: Oh.
3 tags
An Actual Phone Conversation with Dave's...
Submitted by Dave
Dad: David?
Dave: Hey, Dad. What’s up?
Dad: We need to do something very important.
Dave: What’s that?
Dad: We need to have toast for assholes. And toast for douchebags!
Dave: Oh, jeez…
Dad: It is so good, I listen twenty times. I love the (sings/yells) DANG, DANG, DANG, DONG in the beginning.
4 tags
An Actual (Drunk) Conversation with a Friend (Also...
Submitted by Chelsea
Chelsea: We should do something BIG and get famous for it. Like MTV’s The Buried Life. THAT’D BE SO COOL.
Friend: Okay, let’s do it!! …How?
Chelsea: I don’t know, we should start small…like do something really cool on campus and get MTV to come film it…and then we’ll be famous!
Friend: Yeah! …What should we do?
...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom Before Leaving...
Mom: Eth, I love you, have a safe trip.
Ethan: Thanks Mom, I will.
Mom: Just don’t take a lot of shrooms and stuff, okay?
Ethan: …What?
Mom: I don’t want you doing a lot of bongs. I really don’t.
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Mum While Playing...
Submitted by Rambling Doll
RD: I think I have a word, but I’m not sure if it’s allowed.
Mum: What is it?
RD: BONER.
Mum: Check the online dictionary.
RD: (tries to load the site, internet fails) I can’t get it up.
Mum: (giggles)
RD: What?
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with a Bed and Breakfast...
B & B Owner: Good evening, gentlemen. What name is the reservation under?
Ethan: It should be under “Dave and Ethan.”
B & B Owner: …Oh. Alright…great. (pause) And…will you be needing two beds, or…are…you together…?
(quickly, both at the same time:)
Ethan: Two beds.
Dave: Together.
4 tags
An Actual Conversation in the Smithsonian National...
Submitted by Jess
(Jess enters from outside in the rain)
Jess: Hi, guys.
Friend 1: How do you wear all designer clothes and still manage to look like a homeless person?
Friend 2: Well, at least she doesn’t look like a slut…
Random Gay Guy: Oh girlfriend, even Mary Kate couldn’t pull that off.
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with Jill's Aunt While Home...
Submitted by Jill
Aunt: So, do you have a boyfriend yet?
Jill: No, not right now.
Aunt: Really? No boyfriend? …Why not?
Jill: I don’t know, I’ve been busy, I guess…
Aunt: Well, that’s okay. You’ll just be single for the rest of your life. But there’s nothing wrong with that…
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Mom While Trying to...
Ethan: Hey Mom, stay still for a second? (holds cell phone up)
Mom: What are you…no, don’t take a picture of me.
Ethan: It’s just for my cell phone contacts. I can program it so your photo pops up when you call.
Mom: (holding hand up) No, I don’t want you to.
Ethan: Why not? Just let me take one photo!
Mom: What, so you can cut out my head and like, put it on...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Parents Five...
Submitted by Samara
Mom: So what’s your new boyfriend’s last name?
Samara: He’s not my boyfriend. Oppenheimer.
Mom: As in, the Oppenheimer Funds?
Samara: No, that’s not him. There’s also an Oppenheimer who invented the atom bomb –- that’s not him either.
Mom: Right, because your boyfriend is from Australia.
Samara: He’s from South Africa, Mom.
Mom: Oh. Same thing.
Samara: ...
3 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Sleeping Wife at...
Submitted by Danny Macaroons
Dan: (enters the room and unleashes a massive fart)
Wife: (wakes up) Wh….wh…. huh? What’s going on?
Dan: It’s just me, it’s okay.
Wife: Di…did you just drop marbles on the floor?
Dan: …What?
Wife: Marbles.
Dan: …No…
Wife: That’s so strange. I must have been dreaming…. You…you...
4 tags
An Actual Conversation with Gran After Seeing Her...
Submitted by Debz
Gran: What’s that?
Deb: What’s what?
Gran: Did you get your ear pierced at the top???
Deb: (sighs) Yes, Gran.
(long pause)
Gran: You little slut…
2 tags
An Actual Conversation with My Dad About...
Dad: (points to my glass) You like grapefruit juice?
Ethan: Yeah, it’s great.
Dad: It’s so bitter, and…ugh. I can’t stand it.
Ethan: Sorry to hear that. (drinks)
Dad: Let me try. (grabs glass out of Ethan’s hand and takes a huge gulp)
Ethan: Wh—why would you—
Dad: Ugh…ugh. I HATE grapefruit juice.
4 tags
An Actual Conversation Between Student and Teacher...
Submitted by Paul
Simon (Student): I brought in French Money for Show and Tell.
Paul (Teacher): Oh, great! Are they Euros, or Francs?
(long pause)
Simon: …They’re mine.
An Actual Conversation with a Law Professor
Submitted by Svet
Professor: Frank, have you consulted someone from the other group?
Frank: Oh…um—
Svet: No, he hasn’t! Our group is smart enough to do the arguments by ourselves!
Professor: Then how come you included all the points that the other group has?
Svet: Maybe it bears upon the fact that we’ve been given the same case.
Professor: And you’ve also...